Bump 2.0
Thought it was about time I wrote this post. Although I will probably end up rambling on, It's something that I'm not sure how to put into words. I also don't want to sound negative, I am definitely not, but I feel like that may have come across that way without meaning to when I have spoken about it to the few that do know. I have found it a bit of a weird thing to talk about this time and have quite liked keeping it just between me and Scott.
When I first peed on a stick I couldn't quite believe my eyes. Scott was showering and Pip was playing with water in the bottom of the bath whilst I sat on the loo. I just burst out laughing! Felt like quite an inappropriate response really but I couldn't help it! You have to have sex to get pregnant right?! Well obviously that had happened but with Pip it took 5 months of religiously timing it to ensure maximum effectiveness for procreation... This time was a one hit wonder as we (by we I mean me) are always too tired to bother!
Too much information, sorry... Moving on...
We always planned on having two kids but hadn't necessarily planned for them to be this close together. But then I'm not really sure what the plan was anyway? Pippa will be 2 years 3 months when no. 2 is due. Realistically not actually that close together but it seems like it to me! A bit like deciding to have the first child, when really is the right time? I think this actually more difficult the second time round... Do you have them close together therefore the hardest years close together? They are similar in age and can grow (and fight) together? or do you wait until the first is out of nappies, or in nursery or school? Therefore giving you more time for the demands of a newborn? I'm glad these sorts of decisions have been taken out of our hands really. The older Pippa gets the easier she is, meaning that I can make more of my time around looking after her. If you know what I mean. I can see that the older she gets, the lesser the urge to start again would become.
After the initial shock of finding out came the 'oh damn'!! Literally 2 days before, we had given away (lent) a load of baby stuff to one of my good friends who is due in December. This was how much it wasn't on my radar! After a couple of sheepish messages sent, we organised to get it all back and there were no hard feelings! Just me feeling a little stupid for not realising. My period was nearly 2 weeks late and, in hindsight I did have symptoms, I just put them down to other things!
Having young children somewhat limits what you can do in several ways. From planning days around nap times and bedtimes to the types of holidays you can take. We really miss skiing! Pippa isn't old enough to go yet and now with another coming we won't be going for a few more years either. But that's okay, it may delay us going in the short term but when they both are old enough we can all go together, year on year. Recently we have done a couple of Center Parcs holidays which have been great for Pippa, lots of activities to do and easy to go back to the lodge for naps. But even with that, because she is under 2, we are so limited with what she can do!
To some, it may seem like I have been a bit reserved about speaking about this pregnancy, which I guess is absolutely true but not because I am not happy about it. Getting pregnant with Pippa was absolutely planned so all the 'workings out' in my brain were already done. Whereas this time I have had to do that after it is already happening. From simple logistics like coping with pregnancy and having a toddler (I HATED pregnancy last time), to the logistics of having two babies and everything in between. For example space, sleep (Pippa still doesn't sleep great at times), finances and even my thoughts and feelings around childbirth again. Work has absolutely been the biggest thing though. I have spent A LOT of time processing what is right for me work wise. If you have read my previous blogs you will know that I haven't yet been back to work after having Pippa as I took a career break this year. This was the best thing I have ever done but has lead to many questions regarding what I want from my career and what balance I want to achieve between work and family. I absolutely aware of how privileged I am to be in a situation where this is my biggest worry and I am so grateful for that. It is something I have taken really seriously, at the end of the day I worked bloody hard to get my degree, so to disregard my achievements without full thought would be stupid also. I have some thoughts of where I want things to go, but this is a story for another day...
I also feel people have opinions on EVERYTHING when it comes to parenting. Many believe that women are seen to be bad mothers for choosing/wanting/needing to go back to work but I have very much felt judgement for choosing not to go back to work. I would say more so than the other way round but that's probably just because its my experience of my situation. I guess because of this, I am also aware that there is probably judgement about timing of having another, particularly before having not yet returned to work after the first one one. Although I don't actually give a shit about what anyone else thinks, I think this is partly why I have enjoyed keeping it to myself much more. Not having to listen to other peeoples thoughts which they will hapily share whether you want to hear it or not! I very much live in the little world I have made for myself, inadvertently posting less and less on social media and generally just being happy with what I have rather that what I need. In particular what I need to 'shout' about. I like it, it's simple.
I told you I would end up rambling!!
Yesterday we attended our 12 week scan. It was such a surreal experience as it has all gone really quick so far and yesterday was the first glimpse that it is actually happening. Obviously I know it's happening really; the nausea, extreme hunger, and tiredness makes it difficult to forget but there is still something so bizarre about seeing a baby on the screen with the scanning probe on your own belly. A wriggly little bean this one is!! I don't remember Pippa being so active at this stage. It didn't make all the measurements that easy for the sonographer but she got there in the end!
My due date by scan is the 29th March, better than my original date of April fools day!! Not that it means anything really... We absolutely want to find out what we are having this time! If I could find out RIGHT NOW it still wouldn't be soon enough. I was initially adament that it would be another girl, but last night I had a dream that it is a boy, the second boy dream I've had so I am not so sure anymore! I have an anterior placenta again, which I am a bit disappointed about. There has been some research that suggests an anterior placenta can cause issues in labour (major paraphrasing here for lack of wanting to bore you all) which I have sort of clung on to being the reasons for my complications last time. Therefore I had very much wished for a posterior placenta this time as I would quite like to try for a normal delivery again rather than just opting for a planned section. In some ways, I could see how a planned section might be easier in many ways, for example, knowing when to plan for Pippa sitting, only having to stay in hospital one night, potentially less stressful etc. But on the other hand, a natural birth is so much better in so many ways! Mainly for me, the recovery after and, if everything does go to plan, I would potentially only have to be in hospital a few hours after. I am determined this time however to stay positive, not get stressed and to not fixate on what happened last time!
Famous last words!
When I first peed on a stick I couldn't quite believe my eyes. Scott was showering and Pip was playing with water in the bottom of the bath whilst I sat on the loo. I just burst out laughing! Felt like quite an inappropriate response really but I couldn't help it! You have to have sex to get pregnant right?! Well obviously that had happened but with Pip it took 5 months of religiously timing it to ensure maximum effectiveness for procreation... This time was a one hit wonder as we (by we I mean me) are always too tired to bother!
Too much information, sorry... Moving on...
We always planned on having two kids but hadn't necessarily planned for them to be this close together. But then I'm not really sure what the plan was anyway? Pippa will be 2 years 3 months when no. 2 is due. Realistically not actually that close together but it seems like it to me! A bit like deciding to have the first child, when really is the right time? I think this actually more difficult the second time round... Do you have them close together therefore the hardest years close together? They are similar in age and can grow (and fight) together? or do you wait until the first is out of nappies, or in nursery or school? Therefore giving you more time for the demands of a newborn? I'm glad these sorts of decisions have been taken out of our hands really. The older Pippa gets the easier she is, meaning that I can make more of my time around looking after her. If you know what I mean. I can see that the older she gets, the lesser the urge to start again would become.
After the initial shock of finding out came the 'oh damn'!! Literally 2 days before, we had given away (lent) a load of baby stuff to one of my good friends who is due in December. This was how much it wasn't on my radar! After a couple of sheepish messages sent, we organised to get it all back and there were no hard feelings! Just me feeling a little stupid for not realising. My period was nearly 2 weeks late and, in hindsight I did have symptoms, I just put them down to other things!
Having young children somewhat limits what you can do in several ways. From planning days around nap times and bedtimes to the types of holidays you can take. We really miss skiing! Pippa isn't old enough to go yet and now with another coming we won't be going for a few more years either. But that's okay, it may delay us going in the short term but when they both are old enough we can all go together, year on year. Recently we have done a couple of Center Parcs holidays which have been great for Pippa, lots of activities to do and easy to go back to the lodge for naps. But even with that, because she is under 2, we are so limited with what she can do!
To some, it may seem like I have been a bit reserved about speaking about this pregnancy, which I guess is absolutely true but not because I am not happy about it. Getting pregnant with Pippa was absolutely planned so all the 'workings out' in my brain were already done. Whereas this time I have had to do that after it is already happening. From simple logistics like coping with pregnancy and having a toddler (I HATED pregnancy last time), to the logistics of having two babies and everything in between. For example space, sleep (Pippa still doesn't sleep great at times), finances and even my thoughts and feelings around childbirth again. Work has absolutely been the biggest thing though. I have spent A LOT of time processing what is right for me work wise. If you have read my previous blogs you will know that I haven't yet been back to work after having Pippa as I took a career break this year. This was the best thing I have ever done but has lead to many questions regarding what I want from my career and what balance I want to achieve between work and family. I absolutely aware of how privileged I am to be in a situation where this is my biggest worry and I am so grateful for that. It is something I have taken really seriously, at the end of the day I worked bloody hard to get my degree, so to disregard my achievements without full thought would be stupid also. I have some thoughts of where I want things to go, but this is a story for another day...
I also feel people have opinions on EVERYTHING when it comes to parenting. Many believe that women are seen to be bad mothers for choosing/wanting/needing to go back to work but I have very much felt judgement for choosing not to go back to work. I would say more so than the other way round but that's probably just because its my experience of my situation. I guess because of this, I am also aware that there is probably judgement about timing of having another, particularly before having not yet returned to work after the first one one. Although I don't actually give a shit about what anyone else thinks, I think this is partly why I have enjoyed keeping it to myself much more. Not having to listen to other peeoples thoughts which they will hapily share whether you want to hear it or not! I very much live in the little world I have made for myself, inadvertently posting less and less on social media and generally just being happy with what I have rather that what I need. In particular what I need to 'shout' about. I like it, it's simple.
I told you I would end up rambling!!
Yesterday we attended our 12 week scan. It was such a surreal experience as it has all gone really quick so far and yesterday was the first glimpse that it is actually happening. Obviously I know it's happening really; the nausea, extreme hunger, and tiredness makes it difficult to forget but there is still something so bizarre about seeing a baby on the screen with the scanning probe on your own belly. A wriggly little bean this one is!! I don't remember Pippa being so active at this stage. It didn't make all the measurements that easy for the sonographer but she got there in the end!
My due date by scan is the 29th March, better than my original date of April fools day!! Not that it means anything really... We absolutely want to find out what we are having this time! If I could find out RIGHT NOW it still wouldn't be soon enough. I was initially adament that it would be another girl, but last night I had a dream that it is a boy, the second boy dream I've had so I am not so sure anymore! I have an anterior placenta again, which I am a bit disappointed about. There has been some research that suggests an anterior placenta can cause issues in labour (major paraphrasing here for lack of wanting to bore you all) which I have sort of clung on to being the reasons for my complications last time. Therefore I had very much wished for a posterior placenta this time as I would quite like to try for a normal delivery again rather than just opting for a planned section. In some ways, I could see how a planned section might be easier in many ways, for example, knowing when to plan for Pippa sitting, only having to stay in hospital one night, potentially less stressful etc. But on the other hand, a natural birth is so much better in so many ways! Mainly for me, the recovery after and, if everything does go to plan, I would potentially only have to be in hospital a few hours after. I am determined this time however to stay positive, not get stressed and to not fixate on what happened last time!
Famous last words!
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